How government agencies spy on you - Data Gnomes

You've always heard of these large organizations made up of malevolent individuals who lust after your information, but how do they aquire it? How does my dentist know I haven't been flossing? Why does my dog know where I'm hiding the beef jerky I soaked in water to soften it up? Who keeps putting different sizes of spoons in my spoon drawer?

The answer to all of these questions and more are "Data Gnomes", these are small 2-3' dark green evil creatures who lurk in unsuspecting places. When you leave your phone somewhere they hop out and plug in a USB and drain your histories, they don't even have the manners to charge your phone for you!

Ever wonder why those little metal things on the ground are just the right size for your phone to slip into? That's right, it's also because of data gnomes. The organizations need every opportunity to keep up to date with your data.

Make sure to keep your phone in a faraday cage to prevent spying, try to fill your phone USB port with used gum to prevent unauthorized access, do NOT trust